Things I wish I could say out loud

Have you ever been shoved into a situation where every instict of yours feels the need to bare your truth  yet you remain tight-lipped because, God forbid, it might unleash hell? Oh, please spare the sanctimonious lecture about not being in such a situation because you have mastered the power to control your speech! What are you? An alien!

Okay, story time! I was at work the other day, and I have just submitted a draft. Five minutes later, the boss called me into his room and shouted at me for the missing ‘s’ in a plural noun. It’s files, not file! He went on for a good 15 minutes just talking about how careless I am! I admit I was careless, but to deserve the nagging that felt like an eternity?

Like Mr. Sir, how insecure can you be that a small, negligible mistake could get you riled up like that! Then, like any other rant, he proceeded to boast about how he never made such mistakes when he was younger.

I’m sorry, did we forget the incident where I had to call you to recall the email to the client because you had attached a document meant for another client? Was I being petty, or did he need to be told that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes? Not to mention the double standard! Of course, I didn’t utter a word because this girl’s got to earn a living!

If I had a penny for every time I stopped myself from saying what I truly wanted to say, I’d be richer than Jeff Bezos. But if I had a penny for every time I did say what I wanted and then regretted it, I might be able to buy a Hermès handbag. Yes, a Himalaya Birkin to bawl in!

As members of society, we are expected to ensure that what we say, whether spoken or written, doesn’t cause unrest, disappointment, or frustration among those around us… be it family, friends, colleagues, or superiors. No, this is not something I came up with; I'm fairly certain it's something some smart-ass guy came up with!

But here’s the problem: when you hold back what you want to say, whether by choice or not, you replay the moment in your head, imagining the perfect comeback you could have delivered. That replay becomes pent-up anger and frustration. And if you’re someone who doesn’t even have the patience to queue at your favorite ice-cream parlor (not talking about myself, of course… pssh), the consequences can be messy.

You might even start imagining thrusting a dagger in that person while simultaneously putting on an Oscar-worthy act that you like them. That’s a lot of emotional labor… and not the kind that feels satisfying or the one you get paid for.

I wish I could just tell my boss that he needs to stop thinking he’s the best at his job, because as much as I am replaceable, so is he. I wish I could tell the random stranger on the crowded train that his garlic breath is a crime against humanity on a Monday morning (like, bro, what did you eat for breakfast?!).

On the flip side, consider these situations. I wish I could tell my best friend to dump her boyfriend because he doesn’t deserve her. I wish I could tell my neighbour to find a new career aspiration because singing is not his forte. I wish I could tell my aunt that her nagging at family functions ruins everyone’s mood (yes, Aunty, I said it!)…someone’s got to take one for the team!

Here’s the thing: there’s a difference between situations where speaking up is warranted and where it’s just unnecessary drama. And learning to tell the difference is everything. I think I’m finally figuring out when to speak up and when to bite my tongue. If saying it is just going to make you feel better, then, is it even worth it? Either way, you have to take accountability for them!

But it doesn’t have to be a black-and-white choice. Sometimes the “grey zone” is the smartest route. That means being tactful: saying what you need to say, but with kindness and without getting personal. No dragging fake eyelashes or Daddy’s money into it. If you can deliver the truth with grace, and an actual, genuine smile (not the murder-y one), you’ve won half of the battle. Nothing is more cathartic than saying it as it is…without the collateral damage, of course!

So yes, say what you want to say. Just pause long enough to decide whether it’s worth saying anything at all.